I hate him a little bit right now

He is a lying, liar.  Who only told me half the story when he called.  Then he gets the brilliant idea to come home early.  I do not want to see him so soon.  I'd rather he come home on Friday rather than tomorrow morning.  He is taking the red-eye home.  I can only use swear words to describe him right now.

He was going to trade in his laptop for a new one.  I said that was convenient so he's bringing it home instead.  He also deleted the app he looked up porn on .... also convenient.

Well, he made it a year and 3 days

...and then he screwed up.  This morning he called and asked if I could talk.  It had been so long that my throat stayed clear and I said, "yes" easily.  I wasn't worried.  He said he was depressed and couldn't sleep.  I had told him things about my mental health that made him feel guilty and I had emotionally betrayed him and he was reeling from that.  I hadn't done anything to hurt anyone but me but I wasn't honest about it at the time.  I actually only term what I did as a betrayal because I read the book I love you but I don't trust you by Mira Kirshenbaum.  It's a great book, really insightful and because of it I realized I had a limited view of betrayal and that actually spending money earmarked for something else (for example) could be a major betrayal to another person.  But I apologized, promised never to do it again and I was pretty sure we had resolved it.  He flew to California on Sunday.  He said he couldn't sleep, couldn't stop thinking about it.  He got up and on the computer and when something came up he didn't turn away.

I have a few thoughts.  Why didn't he already have explicit results filtered out?  I search for things ALL THE TIME on the internet and pictures of naked women don't come up.  He said he rationalized to himself that because he didn't watch videos it wasn't so bad.  He said he looked at pictures for about 30 minutes.  He has promised to never use incognito windows so if his searches are not in his history I won't think he is being honest.  If he has not reached out to his sponsor or the bishop by the day he gets home I think this might be a big problem.

...

It was later that I looked at my email and saw an email from him from an hour before he called mentioning a bakery he wanted us to check out.  It's tone was breezy.  Why?  That doesn't make me feel comfortable.  I start thinking things like he wasn't planning on telling me.