I've been talking a lot to my husband. I was so mad at him for minimizing and lying! He's following me around like a puppy but I feel like I'm the dog that doesn't learn from being kicked. I realized that I am not going to be married to a sex/porn addict the rest of my life. It would be tough. I'm not used to budgeting anymore and it would be tough dealing with my severely autistic 15 yr-old. But I could do it. I realized with my cold anger that I could literally wake up one day and be completely emotionally done. That is why my former sister-in-law is facebook friends with her ex-husband. She was completely emotionally done with him.
So, moving forward J better not do this again. I won't do this for long.
I think he hasn't worked hard enough on his recovery. He wasn't completely honest. He minimized. I feel like he made a conscious, sober choice to look at porn. He only told me about the porn when he called me the next morning. He didn't tell me about masturbating until I asked him the next day. He called his sponsor a day after he told me and talked to the bishop 4 days after.
Why don't men receive any consequences? I feel that porn addiction doesn't affect whether or not they'll get a calling, be allowed to bless or baptize, go to the temple. I don't think the church really fundamentally takes this seriously.
I have one boundary:
No man that has looked at porn within a year can give me a blessing.
Because I don't think they have priesthood authority because they haven't been honoring their covenants. And I don't get the benefit of the priesthood. I might as well just pray for myself.
And, yes this is going to make for an awkward conversation with my bishop when I ask him, "have you looked at porn in the last year?" But I am done with getting less power from priesthood ordinances than I deserve from men who have accepted the responsibility of holding the priesthood!
