Trying to figure out what I should believe is hard. I believed my husband was honest for years. He says that he was honest ... mostly. But since he was dishonest about some really big things that I asked him directly, should I consider him honest? He thinks I should but I don't. And that hurts his feelings even though he accepts responsibility for his actions. He thinks that being mostly honest, and actually more honest with me than anyone else, means that he's honest and I think that being dishonest about some really big things (pornography and an old girlfriend during our engagement) means that he lied to me daily.
The truth hurts frequently. It can leave you feeling like a knife has been thrust in your side and twisted as you realize - that is how he justified his actions, that is how he felt about me! But I haven't changed so why should I believe his feelings and justifications for looking at porn and starting to look elsewhere has changed. Maybe I should believe him but I don't. And I only believe he loves me on good days.
So true! I feel that M lied to me daily for years as well. He felt like he only lied on the days that he messed up. Their perspective is so flawed!
ReplyDeleteTrust takes a long time to rebuild. They just have to accept that because you can't force it to be there when it's not. If they have lied for years, then it is only fair that they accept that trust could take years to return as well. We are in kind of a watch and wait position when it comes to our husbands and our marriages. Watching to see if they mean what they say, if their actions, behaviors, and attitudes match their words. It just can't be rushed. It is just one of the consequences of their behavior.