Meh

I feel kind of meh today.  Some women I know have posted today about their husbands looking at porn and not wanting the wives to tell anyone that they looked at porn.  Addicts kind of piss me off!  I would seriously want to smack my husband if he told me I couldn't work on my own recovery or tell people I needed for my support about his porn addiction.  Many addicts don't want their wives to tell anyone out of shame.  Which is completely understandable!  But it's not just the husband's (or wife's) problem.  It becomes the spouse's problem too.  My husband's porn addiction is my problem because it affects me and my children and my home!  It affects me if my husband lies to me, if I can't trust him.  If his actions changes.  If he acts like an addict and lies, minimizes, justifies, blame shifts, etc.

The affected spouse needs someone safe to talk to!  She cannot heal unless she has someone to talk to!  Her husband who is a porn addict is not that safe person.  If a spouse tells his wife she can't tell anyone he cares more about himself than her.  He is caught up in a shame cycle.  And he cares more about his reputation than the damage he has caused to his wife!  That addict is not in recovery.